But & And

Most issues that arise in our lives happen because of our low self-esteem. In my last blog “Aligning One’s-self” I wrote about aligning our thoughts, feelings and actions. The more misaligned the three are the lower our self-esteem.

Listen to the way we talk to ourselves:

“I want to do so much in life but I literally have no time”

“I like to dance but I have no partner.”

“I want to exercise but I am too lazy to do so.”

“I like to cook but I don’t have the patience.”

“I want to study but I go off to sleep the moment I open my book.”

So on and so forth and every time we repeat these statements, we strengthen the behavior we are indulging in and become comfortable for one is telling oneself “All right I am OK with it” or that “this is the way I am.”

However if one wants to change one’s behavior it is important that we change the language we use. One simple technique would be to replace “but” with “and”. 

Now let’s see the same sentences could unfold positively as (and there could be a million other options)

“I want to do so much in life and so I prioritize.”

“I like to dance and so I dance for myself.”

“I want to exercise and so I walk briskly.”

“I like to cook and so I follow simple recipes.”

“I want to study and I study for 15 minute stretches twice a day.”

It’s important that when we make a promise to ourselves we commit to it for otherwise it becomes difficult for us to trust ourselves. Not keeping our promises to ourselves or others makes a dent in our self-esteem. The next time you make a promise, the subconscious tends to take over and say “Oh! Come-on whom are you fooling.” Thus it is important to think before we make a commitment or promise to oneself or others.

Take baby steps to reach your goals they don’t need to impress anyone. One could start with 1 km of walking per day or may be just doing five minute of skipping per day however what is important is one stick to what one has committed to. 

The more one sticks to one’s commitments, the easier it is to trust oneself. The more one can trust oneself, the higher one’s self-esteem. 

Most of the time we use ‘but’ so as to imply something is lacking & ‘and’ to include something we have. We can consciously use ‘but’ positively with a little practice, for example 

I am very busy but I find time for my family.

I am lazy but I find time to exercise.

I am blunt but my sincerity makes up for it.

Observe the ongoing thoughts and words in your head and work on them consciously and slowly see yourself metamorphosed. 

The more one sticks to one’s commitments, the easier it is to trust oneself. The more one can trust oneself, the higher one’s self-esteem.